I could've been redeemed

Warnings: Spoilers for the latest aaarc, but not really huge ones, unless you click the second link I guess. Ah, that link might be a little disturbing too.
Effects: Happiness and excitement at first, uneasiness, emotional pain (or something) and concern later.

[Filtered from one Elliot Nightray since the thread with Vanessa.]

( Another vague spoiler warning because mun has no witty ideas when tired )