004 ~ [Dream]
Jul. 20th, 2011 06:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disruptstaticeWarnings: Leo's dreams kind of come with automatic spoiler warning now that I think about it... Yeah, spoiler warning, for latest chapter (63 that is, that isn't yet actually scanlated) and arc etc etc. But not the biggest ever, especially not if you don't click the image, I don't think?
Effects: Optional; first unease, then some kind of peace, followed by happiness, then anger, despair and fear. :|b
The world baths in flecks of yellow light.
When he was really young, he thought this was just how the world was. It quickly turned out not to be the case, however, as the way this reflected in his own eyes was not there in anyone else’s, and it seemed to scare people. So his mother told him; let’s cover them, it’ll be easier then.
His growing bangs covered his eyes alright, but it couldn’t fully block out the lights. Can’t fully block out the lights. The way they float, flicker through the black strands, the only light in what comes off as a world of darkness. It’s not a light that is enjoyable, not a light that brightens anything up; just spots, nearby and far away, that does nothing but give an ominous feeling.
Because it’s not normal.
’I’m the strange one.’
Books have always been a sanctuary. They have always let him crawl into another world, another mind, to get away from everything that is his own. People generally know to stay away when he coops up in the library of the orphanage, alternatively with a blanket around him, and if they don’t they’re soon to learn, when they come bother him and he snaps at them to make them stay away.
“It’s rude to read over shoulders.”
Or, has he had a bad enough day, if the voices have been too loud.
“Leave me alone if you don’t want your nose to bleed.”
He’s happy to raise his voice if he needs to. Normally, they’re quick to leave then.
But then it crashes; this idea that it always works, when one day what he gets in return is…
“You’re really a bore, you know?”
“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M A NOBLE?!”
The first one to always just snap back at whatever rude comment he gives. The person… who would end up becoming his one light.
Elliot Nightray.
“You're lying. There's no way you could know! Whatever the hell is going on, I want to get pulled into it! I'm your friend damn it! I'm supposed to help you with these things!”
As much as he wants to, he doesn’t resist the hand suddenly clenching at his collar, Elliot’s face so close that only the very nearest flecks of light are seen, floating between them. But those lights are overtaken by the brightness coming from Elliot, Elliot Elliot, and through his heavy breath and mind thick with anger and frustration, he resists the urge to reach out towards it. And he shouldn’t reach out, he shouldn’t say all this that is flowing up in his head, he shouldn’t, but.
But he does.
”Lying?! Then tell me. How would you fix that no matter how much I tell myself that I do, I sometimes don't fully know who I am?! How would you fix that I can't see because there are floating lights in my eyes?! How would you fix the fact that there is something WRONG with me and always has been?! I don't know if you've realised it yet but you can't fix everything! You should spend your time on what you actually can do anything about, not someone who just ends up one way or another ruining what's important to them!”
He shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have-- Because right after he has, something lashes out and the floating lights get bigger, overpower Elliot’s because suddenly it’s not there. His throat tightens and he screams, tumbles and falls as Elliot is pulled away, pulled away with the light that he needs, that makes him warm, because Elliot is light, the only light that has any effect.
No matter how much he reaches, his arm isn’t long enough, and sobs shake his body as he crumples, hands fisting in his hair and tugging, tearing.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” he cries, as if that’s going to bring Elliot back, back from his darkness that he let out on Elliot even if he knows he shouldn’t have--
”Foolish,” a voice hisses to him. ”We told you not to. We told you that only you can know of this, and now look at what you’ve done. Your darkness… It swallowed him!”
He raises his head, blinks through the tears and the lights to face a furious glare.
”Don’t forget that… you did this!”
Effects: Optional; first unease, then some kind of peace, followed by happiness, then anger, despair and fear. :|b
The world baths in flecks of yellow light.
When he was really young, he thought this was just how the world was. It quickly turned out not to be the case, however, as the way this reflected in his own eyes was not there in anyone else’s, and it seemed to scare people. So his mother told him; let’s cover them, it’ll be easier then.
His growing bangs covered his eyes alright, but it couldn’t fully block out the lights. Can’t fully block out the lights. The way they float, flicker through the black strands, the only light in what comes off as a world of darkness. It’s not a light that is enjoyable, not a light that brightens anything up; just spots, nearby and far away, that does nothing but give an ominous feeling.
Because it’s not normal.
’I’m the strange one.’
Books have always been a sanctuary. They have always let him crawl into another world, another mind, to get away from everything that is his own. People generally know to stay away when he coops up in the library of the orphanage, alternatively with a blanket around him, and if they don’t they’re soon to learn, when they come bother him and he snaps at them to make them stay away.
“It’s rude to read over shoulders.”
Or, has he had a bad enough day, if the voices have been too loud.
“Leave me alone if you don’t want your nose to bleed.”
He’s happy to raise his voice if he needs to. Normally, they’re quick to leave then.
But then it crashes; this idea that it always works, when one day what he gets in return is…
“You’re really a bore, you know?”
“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M A NOBLE?!”
The first one to always just snap back at whatever rude comment he gives. The person… who would end up becoming his one light.
Elliot Nightray.
“You're lying. There's no way you could know! Whatever the hell is going on, I want to get pulled into it! I'm your friend damn it! I'm supposed to help you with these things!”
As much as he wants to, he doesn’t resist the hand suddenly clenching at his collar, Elliot’s face so close that only the very nearest flecks of light are seen, floating between them. But those lights are overtaken by the brightness coming from Elliot, Elliot Elliot, and through his heavy breath and mind thick with anger and frustration, he resists the urge to reach out towards it. And he shouldn’t reach out, he shouldn’t say all this that is flowing up in his head, he shouldn’t, but.
But he does.
”Lying?! Then tell me. How would you fix that no matter how much I tell myself that I do, I sometimes don't fully know who I am?! How would you fix that I can't see because there are floating lights in my eyes?! How would you fix the fact that there is something WRONG with me and always has been?! I don't know if you've realised it yet but you can't fix everything! You should spend your time on what you actually can do anything about, not someone who just ends up one way or another ruining what's important to them!”
He shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have-- Because right after he has, something lashes out and the floating lights get bigger, overpower Elliot’s because suddenly it’s not there. His throat tightens and he screams, tumbles and falls as Elliot is pulled away, pulled away with the light that he needs, that makes him warm, because Elliot is light, the only light that has any effect.
No matter how much he reaches, his arm isn’t long enough, and sobs shake his body as he crumples, hands fisting in his hair and tugging, tearing.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” he cries, as if that’s going to bring Elliot back, back from his darkness that he let out on Elliot even if he knows he shouldn’t have--
”Foolish,” a voice hisses to him. ”We told you not to. We told you that only you can know of this, and now look at what you’ve done. Your darkness… It swallowed him!”
He raises his head, blinks through the tears and the lights to face a furious glare.
”Don’t forget that… you did this!”
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 10:29 pm (UTC)It's not just the voices, really. But he keeps that to himself.]
Neither does Elliot.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 11:13 pm (UTC)That's why... I wanted you to know that you could talk to me too. About anything you're worried about.
[Doesn't it hurt to be alone...? Noel thought so.]
To be honest, I... I understand how it feels to see things others can't. [She frowns when she hears her own words, and corrects herself.] No, that's not right. It's more like I know how it feels.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 03:54 am (UTC)Really, this talking through a door thing... Slowly, he shuffles off the bed and straightens out his night shirt (a bit too big because he likes it that way, okok), tugs more hair over his eyes before he reaches the door, wills himself to open it.]
You do?
[Said quietly.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 07:43 am (UTC)... In all honesty, Noel felt a bit like a hypocrite now. She was preaching about how Leo should share his problems and not worry about them all alone, but... She never really talked about this aspect of herself to anyone.
... Tentatively, she nods.]
It's... not perpetual like yours, and it hasn't happened recently but... Yes. I do. I think I got called 'strange' and I kept getting frustrated over it. So... Your situation felt familiar to me.
[Her voice is more insecure than usual... almost as quiet as he was. Her wording seemed pretty bizarre too, didn't it?]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 02:22 pm (UTC)What is he thinking?
He steps aside, silently inviting her in. Because talking about this in the hallway? N o p e.]
You're lucky it's not perpetual.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 06:24 pm (UTC)No... It hurts a lot when it happens. I think... I fainted once because the pain was too much.
[She's frustrated that she couldn't remember the exact details. This happened, she knows it did, but... Why couldn't she remember?]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 11:27 pm (UTC)I see.
[He closes the door, pauses with his hand on the handle.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 06:09 am (UTC)... Are you scared? Of telling him everything about yourself that you hid from him?
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 07:05 am (UTC)[Scared? Funny, he had never thought of it like that, just that he didn't want Elliot to get that close to him to protect him. But maybe...
Maybe some feeling of when he thought of opening up like that was fear. Fear of... rejection?]
I've never told anyone...
[Because who tells someone that you're simply completely weird? Thinking it was a close friend just... made him more reluctant. Because... what would Elliot actually think about it?]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-24 04:48 am (UTC)Well, isn't he your friend? Besides, how will you know what he thinks if you don't tell him...?
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 09:14 pm (UTC)[Why he doesn't want to.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 10:26 pm (UTC)[She asks innocently. After all, they both knew that Elliot would try and find out eventually.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 10:33 pm (UTC)Ugh...]
No one should... Especially not Elliot--
[Not someone so bright as Elliot. He shouldn't get near Leo's darkness, simple as that. And yet he keeps insisting to and Leo keeps letting him--
Because he can't not give in, eventually. After all, it's Elliot...]
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 07:41 pm (UTC)Why not...?
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 12:49 pm (UTC)[He's not comfortable giving direct answers. He really thinks the dream should have made it obvious enough.]
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 06:53 pm (UTC)I-I, um, still don't quite get why you're so worried. I mean... This isn't anywhere near your own world?
[She blinks, realizing that what she had said might have come off as insensitive.]
Ah, I-I'm so sorry....
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 07:34 pm (UTC)I'm the strange one. So why? Why aren't they staying away like everyone used to? Everyone who lived anyway. Why why why why? Why he's worried? Because everyone close to him has died!]
That doesn't make a difference. That doesn't change that I'm--
[..she's already heard, what does it matter.]
Strange.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 10:50 pm (UTC)[He keeps using that word. Even if he sees the things he does, why did that matter? It shouldn't. Even if it did, the stranger one would probably be Noel herself.]
... It's not like you're the only one. I don't have any memories about myself, I keep remembering things that shouldn't have happened yet, my weapons talk to me and control the things I do, and there's a girl running around here with my face.
[She couldn't help but remember the days back when she was a student at the Academy, how she and her few friends had a hard time because they were "different". But the truth was deep down, everyone was the same. At least... That's how Noel felt about it.]
Even then... So what if you're strange? What makes it wrong for people to be friends with you despite that? That doesn't change who you are. I-I mean... Even if you see or hear things no one can, you're still you.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 08:58 am (UTC)It's not wrong. [He just can't really understand it.] It's just that you shouldn't. Nothing good has happened to anyone who is.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 06:27 pm (UTC)[Why couldn't he get that through his head?! Does she really have to spell it out for him?
Fine, Noel won't force him to talk to Elliot about it, but as for this matter... She'll stubbornly stick to what she thinks is the truth:]
Leo... It. Isn't. Your. Fault!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 11:00 pm (UTC)Honestly, why can't you people just let him wallow in his damn misery alone like he wants to?Not even spelling it out for him would sway that opinion around so easily.Especially not when he didn't believe it enough to bother telling it to himself. No matter what anyone, even Elliot, said.]
Elliot said the same thing.