004 ~ [Dream]
Jul. 20th, 2011 06:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disruptstaticeWarnings: Leo's dreams kind of come with automatic spoiler warning now that I think about it... Yeah, spoiler warning, for latest chapter (63 that is, that isn't yet actually scanlated) and arc etc etc. But not the biggest ever, especially not if you don't click the image, I don't think?
Effects: Optional; first unease, then some kind of peace, followed by happiness, then anger, despair and fear. :|b
The world baths in flecks of yellow light.
When he was really young, he thought this was just how the world was. It quickly turned out not to be the case, however, as the way this reflected in his own eyes was not there in anyone else’s, and it seemed to scare people. So his mother told him; let’s cover them, it’ll be easier then.
His growing bangs covered his eyes alright, but it couldn’t fully block out the lights. Can’t fully block out the lights. The way they float, flicker through the black strands, the only light in what comes off as a world of darkness. It’s not a light that is enjoyable, not a light that brightens anything up; just spots, nearby and far away, that does nothing but give an ominous feeling.
Because it’s not normal.
’I’m the strange one.’
Books have always been a sanctuary. They have always let him crawl into another world, another mind, to get away from everything that is his own. People generally know to stay away when he coops up in the library of the orphanage, alternatively with a blanket around him, and if they don’t they’re soon to learn, when they come bother him and he snaps at them to make them stay away.
“It’s rude to read over shoulders.”
Or, has he had a bad enough day, if the voices have been too loud.
“Leave me alone if you don’t want your nose to bleed.”
He’s happy to raise his voice if he needs to. Normally, they’re quick to leave then.
But then it crashes; this idea that it always works, when one day what he gets in return is…
“You’re really a bore, you know?”
“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M A NOBLE?!”
The first one to always just snap back at whatever rude comment he gives. The person… who would end up becoming his one light.
Elliot Nightray.
“You're lying. There's no way you could know! Whatever the hell is going on, I want to get pulled into it! I'm your friend damn it! I'm supposed to help you with these things!”
As much as he wants to, he doesn’t resist the hand suddenly clenching at his collar, Elliot’s face so close that only the very nearest flecks of light are seen, floating between them. But those lights are overtaken by the brightness coming from Elliot, Elliot Elliot, and through his heavy breath and mind thick with anger and frustration, he resists the urge to reach out towards it. And he shouldn’t reach out, he shouldn’t say all this that is flowing up in his head, he shouldn’t, but.
But he does.
”Lying?! Then tell me. How would you fix that no matter how much I tell myself that I do, I sometimes don't fully know who I am?! How would you fix that I can't see because there are floating lights in my eyes?! How would you fix the fact that there is something WRONG with me and always has been?! I don't know if you've realised it yet but you can't fix everything! You should spend your time on what you actually can do anything about, not someone who just ends up one way or another ruining what's important to them!”
He shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have-- Because right after he has, something lashes out and the floating lights get bigger, overpower Elliot’s because suddenly it’s not there. His throat tightens and he screams, tumbles and falls as Elliot is pulled away, pulled away with the light that he needs, that makes him warm, because Elliot is light, the only light that has any effect.
No matter how much he reaches, his arm isn’t long enough, and sobs shake his body as he crumples, hands fisting in his hair and tugging, tearing.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” he cries, as if that’s going to bring Elliot back, back from his darkness that he let out on Elliot even if he knows he shouldn’t have--
”Foolish,” a voice hisses to him. ”We told you not to. We told you that only you can know of this, and now look at what you’ve done. Your darkness… It swallowed him!”
He raises his head, blinks through the tears and the lights to face a furious glare.
”Don’t forget that… you did this!”
Effects: Optional; first unease, then some kind of peace, followed by happiness, then anger, despair and fear. :|b
The world baths in flecks of yellow light.
When he was really young, he thought this was just how the world was. It quickly turned out not to be the case, however, as the way this reflected in his own eyes was not there in anyone else’s, and it seemed to scare people. So his mother told him; let’s cover them, it’ll be easier then.
His growing bangs covered his eyes alright, but it couldn’t fully block out the lights. Can’t fully block out the lights. The way they float, flicker through the black strands, the only light in what comes off as a world of darkness. It’s not a light that is enjoyable, not a light that brightens anything up; just spots, nearby and far away, that does nothing but give an ominous feeling.
Because it’s not normal.
’I’m the strange one.’
Books have always been a sanctuary. They have always let him crawl into another world, another mind, to get away from everything that is his own. People generally know to stay away when he coops up in the library of the orphanage, alternatively with a blanket around him, and if they don’t they’re soon to learn, when they come bother him and he snaps at them to make them stay away.
“It’s rude to read over shoulders.”
Or, has he had a bad enough day, if the voices have been too loud.
“Leave me alone if you don’t want your nose to bleed.”
He’s happy to raise his voice if he needs to. Normally, they’re quick to leave then.
But then it crashes; this idea that it always works, when one day what he gets in return is…
“You’re really a bore, you know?”
“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M A NOBLE?!”
The first one to always just snap back at whatever rude comment he gives. The person… who would end up becoming his one light.
Elliot Nightray.
“You're lying. There's no way you could know! Whatever the hell is going on, I want to get pulled into it! I'm your friend damn it! I'm supposed to help you with these things!”
As much as he wants to, he doesn’t resist the hand suddenly clenching at his collar, Elliot’s face so close that only the very nearest flecks of light are seen, floating between them. But those lights are overtaken by the brightness coming from Elliot, Elliot Elliot, and through his heavy breath and mind thick with anger and frustration, he resists the urge to reach out towards it. And he shouldn’t reach out, he shouldn’t say all this that is flowing up in his head, he shouldn’t, but.
But he does.
”Lying?! Then tell me. How would you fix that no matter how much I tell myself that I do, I sometimes don't fully know who I am?! How would you fix that I can't see because there are floating lights in my eyes?! How would you fix the fact that there is something WRONG with me and always has been?! I don't know if you've realised it yet but you can't fix everything! You should spend your time on what you actually can do anything about, not someone who just ends up one way or another ruining what's important to them!”
He shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have-- Because right after he has, something lashes out and the floating lights get bigger, overpower Elliot’s because suddenly it’s not there. His throat tightens and he screams, tumbles and falls as Elliot is pulled away, pulled away with the light that he needs, that makes him warm, because Elliot is light, the only light that has any effect.
No matter how much he reaches, his arm isn’t long enough, and sobs shake his body as he crumples, hands fisting in his hair and tugging, tearing.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” he cries, as if that’s going to bring Elliot back, back from his darkness that he let out on Elliot even if he knows he shouldn’t have--
”Foolish,” a voice hisses to him. ”We told you not to. We told you that only you can know of this, and now look at what you’ve done. Your darkness… It swallowed him!”
He raises his head, blinks through the tears and the lights to face a furious glare.
”Don’t forget that… you did this!”
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 11:15 pm (UTC)[Okay then. He's not sure he can believe that, but...
His voice is beginning to come out really croaked by now.]
So I... did what they told me to. And then... they told me that I shouldn't think this meant I saved you, and that... [He swallows.] That I should remember that I was the one who did it.
[That it was his fault.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 11:19 pm (UTC)They waited until after you'd done it to tell you? ... Bastards!
[Elliot reached a hand out to grab Leo's shoulder, hoping it would make him look back at him again.]
Leo, that doesn't mean what happened was your fault! You didn't know.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 11:23 pm (UTC)Ah... Actually, they told me... somewhere in-between too... It didn't quite register then. I just... I just wanted to--
[..and suddenly he can't continue. He chokes on his words and presses his lips together, lowering his head again.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 11:30 pm (UTC)You didn't know.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 11:35 pm (UTC)Damn it.
He really can't muster anymore words.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 11:48 pm (UTC)He stayed there, showing way more patience then he ever thought he had while silently trying to comfort his friend.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 12:06 am (UTC)Because, after all, this is the first time he has ever shown himself this vulnerable to Elliot. There have been a few times he has slipped in his determination to always keep himself together, because that's what he does, so that Elliot especially doesn't have to carry anything...
But now, with all of that already torn down because he can't stop the tears from running or his voice from cracking, he turns, just enough so he can practically fall forward and bury his face in Elliot's shirt, somewhere right below his collarbone.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 04:46 am (UTC)Feeling a little awkward, since his hand was still on Leo's back he patted it gently once or twice. He remember his brothers doing that to him, and it helped.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 05:00 am (UTC)But it's not like he has to do anything. It's enough that Leo knows he's here. Here and... alive most important of all. It really does not matter that he's not the greatest person at comforting anyone.
Here and alive... And warm, and his heartbeat can be heard, this close.
Leo swallows heavily and turns around further, really facing Elliot, so he can wrap his arms around his waist. Maybe here... maybe here he can manage to do things right.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 05:10 am (UTC)After a lot of hesitation, Elliot even more awkwardly brought up his other arm to loosely wrap around Leo as well. ]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 05:18 am (UTC)He was, however, not sure Elliot would actually hug back, so that's a... pleasant surprise. It's comforting, as long as he stops thinking about... anything else.
It doesn't matter right now.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 05:20 am (UTC).............
.............. How long was he gonna keep this up?]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-23 05:25 am (UTC)He might just as well make it longer than he really feels necessary.
Just because.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 10:16 pm (UTC)Uh---
[Damn it! There was no way to subtly get Leo talking again. He couldn't try to keep the conversation going when they were like this! Besides, as if he wanted to make his friend feel even worse, no matter how weird he felt.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 10:53 pm (UTC)Yes?
[Good thing this hides his smile.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 10:58 pm (UTC)... Does this mean you finally get it's not your fault?
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 11:48 pm (UTC)[Ah... That is...
...
This is a perfect time for a subject change!]
You wanted to know about Yura.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-30 11:52 pm (UTC)Fine.
[... But he was going to let Leo get away with it, for the moment.]
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 12:10 am (UTC)He... used to come by the orphanage from time to time. I didn't really know much about him, but he gave me a bad feeling so I... just wanted to keep him away from you.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 08:26 pm (UTC)[Seriously, who wouldn't want to stay away from that snake?]
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 12:57 pm (UTC)That's why I didn't want you to know I knew him. I thought it would be easiest that way.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 11:00 pm (UTC)[After all, pretty much the last thing they talked about was how much Elliot wanted Leo to talk to him about what was going on with Yura.]
no subject
Date: 2011-08-04 08:53 am (UTC)[He cuts himself off, shakes his head. Elliot wasn't supposed to overhear him talk to Yura in the first place... but he did, so... that was rather stupid to say.]
..I know.