004 ~ [Dream]

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Warnings: Leo's dreams kind of come with automatic spoiler warning now that I think about it... Yeah, spoiler warning, for latest chapter (63 that is, that isn't yet actually scanlated) and arc etc etc. But not the biggest ever, especially not if you don't click the image, I don't think?
Effects: Optional; first unease, then some kind of peace, followed by happiness, then anger, despair and fear. :|b

The world baths in flecks of yellow light.

When he was really young, he thought this was just how the world was. It quickly turned out not to be the case, however, as the way this reflected in his own eyes was not there in anyone else’s, and it seemed to scare people. So his mother told him; let’s cover them, it’ll be easier then.

His growing bangs covered his eyes alright, but it couldn’t fully block out the lights. Can’t fully block out the lights. The way they float, flicker through the black strands, the only light in what comes off as a world of darkness. It’s not a light that is enjoyable, not a light that brightens anything up; just spots, nearby and far away, that does nothing but give an ominous feeling.

Because it’s not normal.

’I’m the strange one.’

Books have always been a sanctuary. They have always let him crawl into another world, another mind, to get away from everything that is his own. People generally know to stay away when he coops up in the library of the orphanage, alternatively with a blanket around him, and if they don’t they’re soon to learn, when they come bother him and he snaps at them to make them stay away.

“It’s rude to read over shoulders.”

Or, has he had a bad enough day, if the voices have been too loud.

“Leave me alone if you don’t want your nose to bleed.”

He’s happy to raise his voice if he needs to. Normally, they’re quick to leave then.

But then it crashes; this idea that it always works, when one day what he gets in return is…

“You’re really a bore, you know?”

“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M A NOBLE?!”

The first one to always just snap back at whatever rude comment he gives. The person… who would end up becoming his one light.

Elliot Nightray.

“You're lying. There's no way you could know! Whatever the hell is going on, I want to get pulled into it! I'm your friend damn it! I'm supposed to help you with these things!”

As much as he wants to, he doesn’t resist the hand suddenly clenching at his collar, Elliot’s face so close that only the very nearest flecks of light are seen, floating between them. But those lights are overtaken by the brightness coming from Elliot, Elliot Elliot, and through his heavy breath and mind thick with anger and frustration, he resists the urge to reach out towards it. And he shouldn’t reach out, he shouldn’t say all this that is flowing up in his head, he shouldn’t, but.

But he does.

”Lying?! Then tell me. How would you fix that no matter how much I tell myself that I do, I sometimes don't fully know who I am?! How would you fix that I can't see because there are floating lights in my eyes?! How would you fix the fact that there is something WRONG with me and always has been?! I don't know if you've realised it yet but you can't fix everything! You should spend your time on what you actually can do anything about, not someone who just ends up one way or another ruining what's important to them!”

He shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have-- Because right after he has, something lashes out and the floating lights get bigger, overpower Elliot’s because suddenly it’s not there. His throat tightens and he screams, tumbles and falls as Elliot is pulled away, pulled away with the light that he needs, that makes him warm, because Elliot is light, the only light that has any effect.

No matter how much he reaches, his arm isn’t long enough, and sobs shake his body as he crumples, hands fisting in his hair and tugging, tearing.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” he cries, as if that’s going to bring Elliot back, back from his darkness that he let out on Elliot even if he knows he shouldn’t have--

”Foolish,” a voice hisses to him. ”We told you not to. We told you that only you can know of this, and now look at what you’ve done. Your darkness… It swallowed him!”

He raises his head, blinks through the tears and the lights to face a furious glare.

”Don’t forget that… you did this!”

Comments

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I don't know how, but. [He hates this name, hates it hates it.] Humpty Dumpty... could seal it. That's why, when you began remembering, it... opened again.

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

...

[He was afraid that it was something like that. His memories of that incident were cloudy because he was injured. All he really knew was when he contracted with Humpty Dumpty, he was 'healed']

So, that's why it hurt.

[It was more of a confirmation to himself then anything. As his memories came back, he didn't understand everything that was happening to him. It was nice to at least get a little more information.

Did you know anything about it before that day?

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About Humpty Dumpty?

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

[Damn it, even subconsciously he didn't want to say its name.]

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No--

[It's an instant reaction to deny it, before he remembers... what the voices said, and how he... Just knew the name, out of nowhere.]

..no, some part of me apparently did... I don't... understand it.

[And that doesn't help matters. Just... Why?]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[A few seconds passed as he waited for some kind of explanation. When he didn't get it, he felt a stab of frustration.]

What do you mean?

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[He once again takes a deep breath. His throat is beginning to feel tight, and it's getting harder and harder to say anything. Ugh...]

They told me... to give you its blood and tell you to say its name, and that I should know it. And... I did.

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[That made Elliot's mind go blank. So much confusion hit him all at once that he didn't even know what to do with it. How could he have known Humpty Dumpty's name, and yet have no idea what it was before that? How could those voices in his head know about it before even he did? ... What the hell was going on in his friend's mind?

Sighing in frustration, Elliot brought a hand up to his forehead. He could feel the beginnings of a headache starting up. Nothing really could have prepared him to start hearing about Leo's real problems. He still desperately wanted to help, but there was way more going on then he realized.]

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[...damn it.

He feels his throat tightening further at Elliot's action, and he turned his head away as he straightened up slightly. That was... that was too much, right? Crap.]

I'm sorry.

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

Why're you apologizing? I should be saying sorry to you!

[He frowned in annoyance, trying to glare at Leo sideways, only to see that he was avoiding him again.]

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For what? You haven't done anything!

[Yep, avoiding.]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

I'm the one making you talk about this.

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If I really had something against talking about it, I wouldn't.

[He doesn't like it, that is true, but really...]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[Ok then. If he didn't have anything against it, then he would talk about it. So, Elliot sits and waits.]

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...

But if it's difficult for you...

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

It's not.

[Yes it was, but he knew he needed to hear it. It was way harder for Leo then it was for him, for sure.]

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...

[Okay then. He's not sure he can believe that, but...

His voice is beginning to come out really croaked by now.]

So I... did what they told me to. And then... they told me that I shouldn't think this meant I saved you, and that... [He swallows.] That I should remember that I was the one who did it.

[That it was his fault.]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[He stayed quiet, his eyes closed in contemplation for a second, before he thought to respond.]

They waited until after you'd done it to tell you? ... Bastards!

[Elliot reached a hand out to grab Leo's shoulder, hoping it would make him look back at him again.]

Leo, that doesn't mean what happened was your fault! You didn't know.

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[And he does actually turn his head slightly towards Elliot. Not fully, though.]

Ah... Actually, they told me... somewhere in-between too... It didn't quite register then. I just... I just wanted to--

[..and suddenly he can't continue. He chokes on his words and presses his lips together, lowering his head again.]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[Without even having to think, Elliot did something that he hadn't done for as long as he could remember. The hand that was on Leo's shoulder moved to his back and gently rubbed. It stopped as soon as Elliot realized what he'd just done, but he kept his hand there as a gesture of silent support.]

You didn't know.

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[That's-- Completely unexpected, and he blinks, so surprised that he actually does finally look at Elliot, blinks at him through black bangs and then, doing so... He notices he's crying again.

Damn it.

He really can't muster anymore words.]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[Now wasn't the time for words. Before the past few weeks, he had never seen Leo break down like this. Of course it made him uncomfortable, but he understood that this was probably something that had to happen. He knew that if this was anyone else but Leo, he'd be telling them to stop crying and to deal with their life, but for some reason, he could never do that with Leo. Not when he understood why it was happening.

He stayed there, showing way more patience then he ever thought he had while silently trying to comfort his friend.]

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[And Leo is about to do another thing he has never done before.

Because, after all, this is the first time he has ever shown himself this vulnerable to Elliot. There have been a few times he has slipped in his determination to always keep himself together, because that's what he does, so that Elliot especially doesn't have to carry anything...

But now, with all of that already torn down because he can't stop the tears from running or his voice from cracking, he turns, just enough so he can practically fall forward and bury his face in Elliot's shirt, somewhere right below his collarbone.]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[Elliot went stiff in surprise when he noticed Leo was leaning in to him. He was frozen on the spot in pure shock that this was actually happening. Leo really was completely breaking down in front of him. It took a second before relaxed a little and let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding.

Feeling a little awkward, since his hand was still on Leo's back he patted it gently once or twice. He remember his brothers doing that to him, and it helped.]

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[It's quite possible to feel how awkward Elliot is, and that? That is rather amusing. What else is to be expected, really...

But it's not like he has to do anything. It's enough that Leo knows he's here. Here and... alive most important of all. It really does not matter that he's not the greatest person at comforting anyone.

Here and alive... And warm, and his heartbeat can be heard, this close.

Leo swallows heavily and turns around further, really facing Elliot, so he can wrap his arms around his waist. Maybe here... maybe here he can manage to do things right.]