004 ~ [Dream]

[disruptstatice]

Warnings: Leo's dreams kind of come with automatic spoiler warning now that I think about it... Yeah, spoiler warning, for latest chapter (63 that is, that isn't yet actually scanlated) and arc etc etc. But not the biggest ever, especially not if you don't click the image, I don't think?
Effects: Optional; first unease, then some kind of peace, followed by happiness, then anger, despair and fear. :|b

The world baths in flecks of yellow light.

When he was really young, he thought this was just how the world was. It quickly turned out not to be the case, however, as the way this reflected in his own eyes was not there in anyone else’s, and it seemed to scare people. So his mother told him; let’s cover them, it’ll be easier then.

His growing bangs covered his eyes alright, but it couldn’t fully block out the lights. Can’t fully block out the lights. The way they float, flicker through the black strands, the only light in what comes off as a world of darkness. It’s not a light that is enjoyable, not a light that brightens anything up; just spots, nearby and far away, that does nothing but give an ominous feeling.

Because it’s not normal.

’I’m the strange one.’

Books have always been a sanctuary. They have always let him crawl into another world, another mind, to get away from everything that is his own. People generally know to stay away when he coops up in the library of the orphanage, alternatively with a blanket around him, and if they don’t they’re soon to learn, when they come bother him and he snaps at them to make them stay away.

“It’s rude to read over shoulders.”

Or, has he had a bad enough day, if the voices have been too loud.

“Leave me alone if you don’t want your nose to bleed.”

He’s happy to raise his voice if he needs to. Normally, they’re quick to leave then.

But then it crashes; this idea that it always works, when one day what he gets in return is…

“You’re really a bore, you know?”

“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M A NOBLE?!”

The first one to always just snap back at whatever rude comment he gives. The person… who would end up becoming his one light.

Elliot Nightray.

“You're lying. There's no way you could know! Whatever the hell is going on, I want to get pulled into it! I'm your friend damn it! I'm supposed to help you with these things!”

As much as he wants to, he doesn’t resist the hand suddenly clenching at his collar, Elliot’s face so close that only the very nearest flecks of light are seen, floating between them. But those lights are overtaken by the brightness coming from Elliot, Elliot Elliot, and through his heavy breath and mind thick with anger and frustration, he resists the urge to reach out towards it. And he shouldn’t reach out, he shouldn’t say all this that is flowing up in his head, he shouldn’t, but.

But he does.

”Lying?! Then tell me. How would you fix that no matter how much I tell myself that I do, I sometimes don't fully know who I am?! How would you fix that I can't see because there are floating lights in my eyes?! How would you fix the fact that there is something WRONG with me and always has been?! I don't know if you've realised it yet but you can't fix everything! You should spend your time on what you actually can do anything about, not someone who just ends up one way or another ruining what's important to them!”

He shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have-- Because right after he has, something lashes out and the floating lights get bigger, overpower Elliot’s because suddenly it’s not there. His throat tightens and he screams, tumbles and falls as Elliot is pulled away, pulled away with the light that he needs, that makes him warm, because Elliot is light, the only light that has any effect.

No matter how much he reaches, his arm isn’t long enough, and sobs shake his body as he crumples, hands fisting in his hair and tugging, tearing.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” he cries, as if that’s going to bring Elliot back, back from his darkness that he let out on Elliot even if he knows he shouldn’t have--

”Foolish,” a voice hisses to him. ”We told you not to. We told you that only you can know of this, and now look at what you’ve done. Your darkness… It swallowed him!”

He raises his head, blinks through the tears and the lights to face a furious glare.

”Don’t forget that… you did this!”

Comments

[Reaction/audio]

[walk-in-grey.livejournal.com]

[Allen doesn't normally watch dreams on the network. Well he tries to. More often than not he stops watching as soon as he gets a brief glimpse to tell if it is something personal. But this dream. This dreams hits close home quite harshly. How many times had he cursed his arms during his days as Red Arm. More than he could care to count. All because of how people would shy away or shun him for being born with a different limb from them. Seemed Leo had tasted the same along with that strange thing with the eyes.]

[Another common point though not in entirety, Leo apparently saw flecks of gold dancing all around his sight. Allen just saw his world in black and white but he also saw the truth of the world. He saw how many had been unable to cope with the loss of a loved one and how many had been gulled by that venomous whisper of the Millenium Earl.]

[He smiles warmly as he sees how this Elliot fellow became so important and beneficial to Leo. He had ended up the same with Mana and after that Lenalee and most of the Order. But then that specter speaks and he gets a chill of deja vu, for a moment he can remember the cold chains bearing down on his body, binding it against the mockery of a throne in that white forest. Seems people making themselves at home in another body was not as rare as he'd originally thought. First Desmond and now Leo. Most likely many others would appear in the future.]

[The guilt and fear washes over him from the Dreamberry and yet the transition is hardly as jolting as it might be for others. He has tasted this fear before. In himself. So many times he lost count since the dreams had started anew. Most likely the talk with his Master played a big part in that. Regardless he waits for a few moments once the dream is over, letting his own feelings and emotions settle back in place over the ones transmitted over the Dreamberry.]

[He decides to go with audio since it's a little less intrusive and most likely Leo would rather not see another face right now regardless if it is someone he knows or a complete stranger. He knows how these things are after all.]

Are you alright, Leo?

[Cautious and polite, making sure to not sound pushy or anything.]

[Audio]

[disruptstatice]

[Honestly, it takes Leo a while to remember this voice. It was a long time ago; his memory has gotten hazy because of that, and because so much has happened in-between. But he remembers eventually, vaguely, he thinks.]

Ah-- Mister... Allen, is it?

[Just to be sure.

Now if only his voice wasn't so shaky.]

I'm fine.

Re: [Audio]

[walk-in-grey.livejournal.com]

The "mister" isn't necessary. Just Allen is fine, really.

[A pause. He can hear that shaky voice and frankly he doesn't think less of you for it if that's what you're worried about]

I'm afraid I can't say I believe you. Do these dreams occur often for you?

[Audio]

[disruptstatice]

...

[He really, really hates this whole showing dreams thing, so much. It makes it so hard to come off fine when you're not.]

Similar.

Re: [Audio]

[walk-in-grey.livejournal.com]

[Yes he can relate to that very much. Thankfully his 14th oriented dreams have managed to stay under the Radar of the network for the moment. That won't last forever but he can hope.]

I guess not everyone is allowed to have sweet dreams in their everyday night.

[He is curious if that voice manifests itself in the waking world but he's in no way going to ask that. He knows his reach in this kind of discussion.]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[.....


.........


Elliot had been standing in front of Leo's door, staring at it for at least five minutes. It felt so much longer to him.

After their conversation a week before, Elliot didn't want to push Leo to talk to him more then he had to. He imagined that now that he had started to open up a little more, Leo would finally talk to him and come to him for support like he always should have. After seeing that though... He can't leave him alone.

But, what do you say to someone who just dreamed that you were their light?

... He'd figure something out. With a gulp and a breath, Elliot gently reached up and knocked.]

[disruptstatice]

[After waking up, Leo had thrown the Dreamberry across the room, covered his ears and curled up on the bed with his eyes squeezed tightly shut, shaking.

He feels far from recovered when he hears the knock, and he wants nothing but reject who it is or just not say a thing, but... He has a hunch who it is, and so he raises his head and calls, even if he still wants to reject:]

What?

[Because if it's who it is...

It's the only one he could consider letting in now, despite everything. And if he doesn't answer, well... If it's Elliot, he would just come in anyway, so it doesn't matter.]

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[What, indeed.]

You know what. Open the door.

[disruptstatice]

Y--

[He's about to say that Elliot can come in, because the door's not locked or anything, but then he decides that he should get off the bed. It'll make him look... a little better off at least.

So he pushes himself out of it, takes a deep breath and rather unsteadily moves over to the door, straightens out his slightly too big shirt before he places his hand on the door handle. He hesitates there, for a few moments, before finally pushing it down and opening the door, to peer up at Elliot through his bangs.]

...

[snapekillsedgar.livejournal.com]

[The moment the door opened, Elliot opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came to him. He closed it again, studying Leo's expression carefully, almost like he was searching for what to say in him.

After that dream, he found himself automatically trying to see Leo's eyes through his mess of dark bangs.]

... That's what you meant, isn't it? You see those lights all the time?

[unsureazure.livejournal.com]

[Noel had terrible luck when it came to viewing dreams. She always tried her best to avoid viewing them, but when she accidentally stumbles across one, it always turned out to be an unpleasant nightmare. Poor Leo, he was still shaken from all that had happened, it seems. Even though she had inadvertently done something invasive to him, she really wants to comfort him. He's her friend, after all. That, and... for some reason Noel couldn't explain, she felt a sense of deja vu with the situation.

Talking through the Dreamberry didn't feel like a good idea, especially since they lived under the same roof now. No, something like this would be better done in person... At least, Noel thought so. She raises her hand to knock on the door of his room, but freezes before she does. After the moment of hesitation passed, she lowered her hand and opted to talk through the door instead.]

... How are you feeling, Leo?

[Because he certainly wasn't alright after all that. No one could possibly be.]

[disruptstatice]

[There is such a temptation to just ignore Noel. She's not someone he would let in now, because barely his closest person is so why would she be? And he wonders if she'll go away if he doesn't say anything.

But then she's also one of the few who know...

And she's not asking to come in, so instead... he shifts slowly, pushes himself up to glance briefly at the door, squint between the lights.]

..alright.

[So obviously a lie, and he knows that. But still.]

[unsureazure.livejournal.com]

[Noel wouldn't reprimand him for saying such a lie this time. She's thankful enough that he didn't just plain ignore her. She breathes in, resting her forehead against the door.

How was she going to comfort him? How could she comfort him?]

... That person... You shouldn't listen to him. I don't think it's right at all to bear that burden all on your own.

[disruptstatice]

[Geez...

It's not just the voices, really. But he keeps that to himself.]

Neither does Elliot.

[unsureazure.livejournal.com]

[Him too, huh? That just so like him.]

That's why... I wanted you to know that you could talk to me too. About anything you're worried about.

[Doesn't it hurt to be alone...? Noel thought so.]

To be honest, I... I understand how it feels to see things others can't. [She frowns when she hears her own words, and corrects herself.] No, that's not right. It's more like I know how it feels.

[video]

[nie_unschuldig]

[Normally he wouldn't care, but there is something too familiar about all of this.]

They've lied to you you know.

[voice]

[disruptstatice]

[Haha, no video here. No stranger is allowed to see him like this.

...]

Eh?

[voice]

[nie_unschuldig]

[Very telling, more so than video might be...]

It frightens them to learn there are things they can't or don't see or hear and so they lie.

[voice]

[disruptstatice]

[Maybe so. Doesn't matter, really.]

..who?

[The voices?]

[voice]

[nie_unschuldig]

Those who would make you feel you're the wrong one for being different, when it's really them who are just normal.

[Video]

[substrictus.livejournal.com]

[Yes, he'd always known Elliot meant a lot to Leo back home and that they were more than just a servant and master. It was a lot like how it was with him and Gilbert in a few ways if he stopped to think about it.

Though now he saw how far their relationship went and just what Leo dealt with day to day, and yet knowing about these floating lights Leo saw made sense to why he hid behind glasses and his long bangs. A sense of dread had settled in watching Elliot be taken from Leo in the dream itself, and how much it seemed to hurt him to have it happen. His apologies rung through his mind and it's near deafening...

Then there's a face that he can't help but recognize though he'd only ever seen it once before. Hearing the man's words as well leave a icy spot in the pit of his stomach and he's rigid, eyes wide as he just stares at the dreamberry for some time. There were so many things he wanted to ask about all of that.

For now though, he settled on one; the most prominent one that left his lips before he could even think twice about it.]

That man... how...how do you know him?

[Voice]

[disruptstatice]

[Know him? Is this... someone you know? How could anyone else--?

There is quite clear confusion in his voice when he responds.]

Know him?

[Voice]

[substrictus.livejournal.com]

...Yeah.

I've spoken to that man before. In Sablier...

[A pause. He doesn't like the idea but he wonders if Leo's met him... or if it's as preposterous as the idea of how he has Jack talk to him] ...Why did he say that to you? Saying Elliot got swallowed by darkness and say it's your fault?

[Even with having seen the dream.. all the questions keep leaving his lips in a rush]

[Voice]

[disruptstatice]

Sablier--?

[Perhaps he's ignoring Oz's questions partly because he just doesn't want to answer, but this... Oz has spoken to this guy? How--]

You spoke to him? I thought--

[He never really knew whether to think of the voices as someone real or not.]

Who is he?

[Voice]

[substrictus.livejournal.com]

...He... remember in Sablier a while back when you and Elliot had found me?

I'd seen him there before. [Not going to say what they talked about. The experience hadn't been that great and ended not-so-good]

Him? That's... his name's Glen Baskerville.